senior banquet, was ok. i<3 my table buddies will matt morgan lauren and rachel! im glad i went. note:some people shouldnt be allowed to dance..lol

had an allergive reaction at the end. cool. only would happens to me..lol

oh yea, i got into Frostburg..who cares? lol, i didnt even apply-- i sent my trancript in as a safety, just in case i didnt get into any other cools. so they def, did that joint based on my transcipt, which wasnt that good at all. the letter said "my acdemic achievments were outstanding" what do they call outstand? above a 1.0?..lol oh well, at least i can say iv got into 3/7 schools i applyed to. and i havent been refected yet.

update..just  cuz im bored

Elon-defferd(finding out in March)=0

Towson--deffered(no interest in going there, but finding out in March)

UMD-Cominggg..letters being sent out 2marrow. that is the school, i will be most likly be seeing my first REFECTION letter from! lol

Salisbury-ACCEPTED

East Carolina-ACCEPTED

Frostburg-ACCEPTED..who cares?!

Radford--just applyed, but i think that im a shoe in!

ok, im off to bed

I LOVE WILLOW JAMES MARCHICA...w/ all my heart

i hope i can go 2 the lockin 2marrow, my moms says she doesnt know, cuz of my reaction today..SHIT!

~court~

i got into ECU...boost my face=)

i dont know if i have plans to go there, but now I have TWO options. joy!, and one is in NorthCarolina, and both of them are near the beacchhhh, holler;)

well thats the only news, worth sharing..tomarrow is SENIOR BANQUET. i <3 my table!..ok i think im gonna go try and learn how to do STAT, and eat some dinner

PEACE

<3court<3

great valentines day w/ Willow<3 Olive Garden...yum=)

bahh dont have much to say expect, I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND VERY MUCH

ok, well i think thats it, im gonan go start the copious amount of hw, i have..might be takin a "sick" day tomarrow! and Friday=SENIOR SKIP DAY!..boost!

oh yea, i serioulsy do not like ppl from Blake. well actually just the grls, they are snobby BITCHES (expect for mandy of couse, and Ellen-->my love<333)

also TOMARROw, someone is about to feel a little stupid for talking shit..cuz Courtney is gonna have some words w/ them....DONT TALK SHIt, it will GET BACK TO ME, and u better believe ill say something to you and make u look like an ass!=)

ok well, im outtie

i feel cool, i think im gonna have a busy weekend

Fri-Sat(game+LockIN)    SatNite--soccer game   Sun-church..rest of the weekend is in the works..cant wait mos!

so this weekend was pretty good.

Friday~senior nite=)  i love my cheer girls. MY UNDERCLASSMEN WHERE THE BEST>>donna&diana. they really lke made an effort to make my senior great. and they did. thanx grls for the flowers,ballons,candy,lunchable&STARBUCKS CARD, they know the way to my heart. then i went to chipolte w/ Will&we watched the league of exdortinary gentlemen..GREAT MOVIE

Sat~POM COMP. LET ME TELL YOU paint branch got gyped! we deserved the spirt award..and maguder DEF didnt deserve 1st, worst team there!~ but our ladies ROCKED<3 and i guess Felica did ok! haha. then i hung out w/ KIM, MOS&WILL..summa crew. we just were random all nite! goodtimes.

Kim: how much was ur phone
Mos: zero dollars i stole it from myjob
Kim: WHAT?
Mos: ya i also stole ones for my Mom, Dad&Brother..

^this is what happens when u go to Laurel!

Sun~ Church=) that went well, and im glad. "baby steps" um then mall  w/ will&Matt. got home around 4. we just hung out and talked to my mom till ike 5. then me and my mom bonded. sundays are turning into our lil  bonding time. I wanted to go 2 MYF, but me and mommie were havin fun, so i didnt want to leave.

well i was gonna study for psych, but im tired. and im gonna pick out something cute&pink for tomarrow and then go to bed!

One Tree Hill tore me up today. haley..u dum ass *mad face*i seriously almost cried at the end of the episode. BUT paton&jake..are so cute. i love them, and i hope they stay prefect! so its only a show..i LOVE IT!<33333

My Wish List.. if you get me an of these items, i will forever worship you and the grass you walk on=)

*OneTreeHill DVD(48 min of DELETED SCENES+Gavin Degraw VIDEO)

*OneTreeHill Tour CD--I LOVE THE ONE TREE MUSIC, its hot! its like all my fav songss+new bands=)

"i may not always know what im doing but ill try and make things better. but when i make a mistake and lets face it, we all do. i promise ill ask for your help. i cant do this alone. and if ull take a chance on me..we can do great things together"_one tree hill

^quote from my one and only BROOKE. i love that girl(almost as much as i love paton, my IdOL

so maybe i have an obession w/ the one tree hill..watch it once and you will to!

start gettin better this time, i know it!

"friendship is one notch down from marriage"

So.True

i realize even tho i thought i was trying w/ certain friendships..i wasnt trying hard enough. that will change

*thanx dad*=)

a perfect song for right now--->

( Dare You To Move )
Current Music: Dare you to Move- Switch Foot

couldnt go the cheersleep over. i feel left out, they all seem like they had So much fun.=(

im so depressed right now. my grandma is sick, and in the hospital. and its scary, even tho she is old, the thought never crossed my mind of losing her. and as the years go one, i know im gonna have to deal with that horriable day. her and my gpa basically rasied me. she gave me EVERYTHING i EVER WANTED. i was never without. all she wanted me to do was succeed, and she was proud of anything i did. i love her so much, and im so scared right now for her.

i also just feel very alone, and very angry. i HATE EVERYONE HERE. esp some ppl in my group. there so snobby, self rightous, fake, and they have never had anything go wrong, in there prefect little lives. and they think they can just make fun of people who arent as fuckin prefect as they are. well honestly, i hope they die... two people esp.

i just dontknow. i love some people, but i feel so fuckin left out. am i sittin w. my bestfriends for Senior banquet..NO am i going with them to beach week..NO..great thanx=( w/e beach week is gonna be fun. my one true bestfriend KIM is comin w/ me, and im goin w/ the love of my life, matty(my knight in shining armor), and jacquiepoo. the only person who never fakes!!!

Church Today--was actually pretty good, i got a really nice msg from mandy when i came home. i talked to Kelly. and im really actually gonna start going. b4 when i said that, i was doin so ppl would get off my back. but i want this for me.=)

ok, this is really long, i just had to get that out.

Jacqui Shelton&Kim Stevenson--my true bestfriends. the girls who have never turned there back on me. the girls who have been there for me countless times. the girls who love me, no matter how much of a bitch i am. the girls i counldt imagine living without. i love them with all my heart and soul<3

so there was a new program done on Justins street today. i watched it and cried...
Justin Anthony Riggin--you were the greatest friend, i will ever have. i miss you so much. i would do anything for us to be like we were this time last year. i am honestly lost with out you in my life. i wish you knew that.

*this tears me up inside*...its part of the reason i cant go 2 church. i cant bare to see Justin w/ him being my bestfriend. i cant bare to watch Kelly&Mandy ignore me...i want to so bad..i just cant. i cant take anymore hurt, or anymore people walking out on me.

fuck you, fuck you, YOUR cool, fuck you--halfbaked..

my feelins. GOD did everyone just get together and say lets piss courtney off this week.

DONT ever talk about my "selfpity", you DONT know what iv been thru, so FUCK YOU. u DONT HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE SHIT IV DEALT in the LAST YEAR. iv overcome more then u EVER HAVE OR WILL. so the next time you wanna talk about "pity" have a mother who has cancer...THEN YOU CAN TALK!

anyway..=) on a brighter note. oh wait i dont have one. honestly, i have picked some pretty shitty friends. i really have. and not even friends, just people. like some of the ppl in my group or w/e are so rude, and so snooby. honestly mean comments are not always ness. your not better then anyone. so shut the fuck, and get the stick out of your ass. thats y u are such a boring peice of shit, and you will NEVER have any sort of real fun cuz ur a big fag!

oh well FUCK THEM. cuz NEXT YEAR, im starting over. i cant wait to meet new people. love to the FEW who are TRUE<3 so sr banquet...should be fun. me, will&matt were excluded from the 'table' so our table is gonna be us+lauren,Rachel,&Morgan. and there str8t, and actually fun ppl to be around.

GOD im SO glad tomarrow is fridaayyy. hangin out w/ my baby. then saturday practicin drivin. then hopfully seeing a movie with matt will and ellen! then me and ellen are off to watch our boys play soccer. then im sleeping @ ellens house=) holler at that weekend.<--I LOVE ELLEN MORSTIEN SO MUCH. funny iv only known her a month, and she is better to me, then some of my friends..funny how that shit works out!

ok, well im off

Court

will got accepted to salisbury, yay for him. and Radfor coach like sweats his nuts! lol (were SO good right now) I Love Him W. ALL my HEART<3

umm..i guess i should get a JUMP on beach week...jacquie poo found me a house. sweet=) on 78th street fits 9. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. and its pretty cheap! HOtnesss

Our house is lookin like this.. Me, Kim,Will, Matt&Chris R.(we need another gRL!! lol.. Connie MITE come w/ us.) and ellen is comin down for a few dayss, and so is jacque. but im bookin that joint on Friday!! the last 2 weeks in june are gonna be soo fun. BEACH WEEK w/ MY BFF! then CANCUN w/ MY LOVE=)

ok well im off to study for AP stat&do my hamlet logs..actually doin well in stat& i need english to graduate apprently! haha

PEACE*

courtt

My Only Weakness is i care to much....

story of mylife

PS: i CANT NOT WAIT TO GO TO COLLEGE AND START OVER..and meet new ppl. i just hate paint branch SO much...*mad face*

lastest pb annoyance:besides fake bitches is, they were supposed to send my transcript for ECU on Dec15th, i get a letter from ECU today, saying they still need my transcript! WHAT THE FUCK, i def asked them if they sent it, and the lady was "ya it was postmarked Dec15th"...bullshit.

its about what we have to do to make this work

so today was good. me and will fixed things. basically the problem was. will didnt love me anymore. thats so hard to write but its true. well i wanted to just break up. but he said he still cared "deeply" about me, and wants to keep on trying with this. so i agreed. basically he knows i love him, and i know we are gonna have to work so he feels the same. but i kinda like this, our realtionship is alot more chill, and its only been a day!amzing how much a 3 letter word can affect things! i think this is good, i think we rushed into the whole " i love you" things a little to soon. and now its kinda like we are starting over....=) i feel like he just asked me out.

well enuff about me and will

game today. boys won..of course. God were sO sick! i cant wait for playoffs, ill be SOOO boosted if BOTH our teams go to play off and win..omg..Boys&Girls both state champs. hey it happened a couple of years ago. thats the best way to end cheerleading..winning states=)

So here is the college update

Salisbury: accepted, Elon: Deffered, Towson: defered(dont care) im waiting on ECU&Maryland. and of course crossin my fingers for Elon. oh yea, and i just applyed to Radfor, for the heck of it. hehe kim got accpeted there, and do did Ellen..holler! plus the Radford coach like sweat will.<--not the reason i applyed, i just wanted another school.

well this week is just beginning and im tireddddd. i want it to end. me and will are hangin out friday<3 then ME AND bootycall time akaEllen for saturday afternoon w/ the boys, and then werre gonna go support our boys @ there indoor games+im prolly sleepin over @ ellens house! coolie..cant wait

ok, well im out. HAMLET TIME.ARGH SHAKESPHERE SUCKS!!!

know anymore. im so unsure of anything. the only good thing that has come out of this is. i know who my real friends are. even if we just got to be friends now, or if were friends but just not as close.

on the way down, i saw you. and you saved me from myself. and i wont forget the way you loved me. on the way down, i almost feel right thru. but i held on to you   <--to the people mentioned below

LaurenKpavlock--my girl 4life, i love you so much<3

EllenMorstien..ur amazing<3

MatthewJohnWellen, a knight in shining armor, and a great bestfriend!! every girl needs one of you!!!=)

PBcheer, without even knowing it you made my day SO much better

"good luck with next year and this crazy life"-lm(lovya babe)

Despite all these wonderful people, i still feel so lonely. and literally so numb.i dont know why. well actually i do, its a little thing called my depression, and lack of me regularly taking my medz. i really need to get on that.=-/

ijust dont know anymore, i have no idea. what i should do, or how i should feel. but im gonna hit the hay! all the ppl mentioned above, you all are PRICLESS to me, and i love you and i always will<3 u guys are all my bestfriendss, in one way or another.=)

competition tomarrow...dear god. im nervous. please please please GOD, let everything hit, thats all i ask for.

||Birth Name|| Courtney Elise
||Nickname|| Cor, Court, Blackie, CC, CourtCourt, NeeNee..and now Super Freak, lol ellen
||Hair color||brown hair
||Height|| 5'9 or as pavi would say gangly
||Where do you live?|| bville...
||Birthplace|| Holy Cross Hospital
||Hidden Talents|| well...im really good at..sleeping=)

Friends..
||Best friends|| Kim, Jacqui, Matty, Will, LM, Becca&Nikki,Jacque<---Love u all
||Known longest|| Lauren Miller

||Smartest|| fuckin WILL..argh ass
||Tallest|| will believes he is the tallest, although i will ALWAYS maintain i am taller then him...=)
||Shortest|| Pavi or Miller
||Biggest Drama Queen|| prolly me

||Most Random|| nikki or matt
||Weirdest Conversations|| matt

||Most unique|| we def are all unique, but um i think Jacque
||Most likely to stalk an A&F Model|| Kim
||Prettiest|| are all seXay bitchesss
||Hottest|| see above
||Best hair|| Kim..it always looks so prettyy
||Best eyes|| i dunno
||Funniest|| Lauren miller&jacque..they have that borderline cruel sarcastic humor, the best there is!!=)
||Most fashionable|| umm, we all have the own taste in clothes, but i would probaby say JessieP or Kim..they ALWAYS look cute
||Sweetest|| Kim
||Best singer|| will!
||Most athletic|| um nikki, will matt,

||Most talented||  well we all have our own talents..some more impressive then others!l ol

||All around best|| I LOVE ALL MY TRUE Friends
||Deepest Conversations|| Jacqui, i run to her for everything
||Best Liar|| ummm...
||Always Late|| Me&lauren miller! lol..i guess we both run on CP time
||Always Early|| idunno
||Always On Time|| Kim

Habitss..
||Bite Your Nails|| yea
||Procrastinate|| i started a biotech project @ 9 the day b4 it was due, i had 3 months to do it.and its gonna go down hill this semester

||Stress|| Everyday of my life
||Take out Your Issues On Others|| yea its a bad trait of mine, i usually do when im mad..sorry

||Self Injure- (ex: cut, burn, pull hair)|| negatory

||Flirt Too Much|| no
||Eat Too Much|| I Love food

||Have an Eating Disorder|| if eatting to much is! lol

||Tend to Judge People| try not to, but hey its human nature, but if ur a good person ill look past w.e ill judge u for, if that makes sense
||Any Other Habits?|| naw

Have you ever..
||Pictured your crush naked|| duh
||Actually seen your crush naked|| yes=)
||Been in love|| yes
||Cried when someone died|| yea
||Drank alcohol|| yuppp
||Fallen for your best friend|| naw..gross
||Been rejected|| yea
||Rejected some one|| yea
||Been cheated on|| yes..
||Done something you regret|| most def its called sophmore year
||Been In Jail|| naw
||Hit a Boy|| Yea
||Hit A Girl|| no i dont think so
||Broken A Bone|| my pinky finger, jacqui were twinsss

||Cheated On a Test|| yes i have, although i did NOT PASS A CLASS BECAUSE I CHEATED OF EVERY UNIT TEST..cough cough jacqui shelton.!
||Let a friend cry on your shoulder|| yea

||Fell asleep in the bath|| naw
||Walked in on someone changing or showering|| no
||Gone to Church|| Yes.
||Never slept during a night|| yea
||Seen someone die|| omg no

||Thought you were in love|| yea, i know im in love.
||Screamed at someone for no reason|| yeaa..sorry
||Stayed up till 4 am on the phone|| yea....=)

The last person you touch..
||You touched|| my mommie
||Hugged| willow
||You IMed|| jessie p

||You yelled at|| either will or my mom..lol

Current..
||Clothes|| cheer pants and a blue fallout boy shirt=)
||Music|| falloutboy
||Make-up|| pft..none
||Annoyance|| that i have to go back to school tomarrow, and that i wont know about Elon till MArch
||Smell|| i dunno im congested..lol
||Desktop picture|| me & kim @ hfstival
||Book you're reading|| i wanna read lovly bones
||CD in player|| dont use my cdplayer any more..Ipod(ya jacqui, thats even sexier! lol)

||DVD in player|| Butterfly Effect

With the opposite sex..
||What do you notice first|| face
||What do you look for|| nice looking, nice, funny, not a die hard repubulican

||Worst thing to say|| "i dont care"

||Do you have a crush|| yea...this guy, i think his name is Will! haha jk<3

What comes to mind when you say..
||Love at First Sight|| aww

||Abortion|| PRo-CHOICE, aka no one choice but the women, Bush ur an ass.
||Pot|| haha mosi
||Eating disorders|| sucks
||Rap|| I bang in my white tee, i slang in my white tee

||Drinking|| soco+goodtimes+i cant wait for cancun

||Life|| sucks sometimes..but there good parts so always look up!
||Food|| Cordon Blu..its cookin right now=)

Favorites
||Movie|| Napoleaon D.
||Book||  Child called it
||Type of music|| i loveeeeee music..but mostly emo stuff

||Type of cars|| i dont really care.. i love my s-seris
||Saying|| Fuck You..

||Ice Cream|| good ol chocolate ice cream w/ MAGIC shell topping
||Alcohol|| southern comfort+bacardi twist+hypnotic...3 best tasting alcohal ever!
||Television Show|| Family Guy!+ONE TREE HILL..its not cancelled will, its coming back i swear
||Kitchen Utensil|| ummm..w/e picks up what im eatting the bestlol
||Flower|| dont care, as long as its pink
||Animal|| puppies
||Restaurant|| olive garden
||Breath mint|| ...
||Gum|| ...
||Radio station|| WHFS BITCHEs..fuck yea its back
||Word|| Fuck.. it expresses so much emotion..
||Number|| dont care

||Quote:|| "life can break ur heart, but it doesnt have to break ur spirit" and we cant forget my motto "Livin Life Like Its Goin Outta Styleee.." fALLoutBoy
||Greeting||  heyyy

||School Subject|| anything but math

|Teacher|| MRS. SANDERS
||Thing||MY CELL..i feel disconnect from the world w/o it

Whens the last time you..
||Took A Shower|| yesterday

||Cried|| earlier this week
||Were happy|| now=(
||Watched a Disney movie||t o long..sigh i miss mandy
||Received a hug|| today.
||Went to the theaters to see a movie||  i think over the summer...!
||Watched a movie at home|| butterfly effect

yyouuu..
||I want|| be happy

||I wish|| my mom didnt have cancer
||I love|| My Fam, My Friend&Will
||I miss|| Mandy Willis&kelly

||I fear|| doin badi n college
||I crave|| chipotle
||I hate|| Brooke N.& just mean ppl in general

Random..
||Do you have a diary|| No.
||Do you have a job|| Yes. American Eagle.
||Are you a people pleaser|| I think so.
||Would you say you are attractive|| I don't usually Judge myself.

||When you walk down the street do heads turn|| uhhh

||Are you in the in crowd or a low life reject|| my friends are the best losers i know!!!=)..
||Do lots of people hate you|| probably..but look @ my face do i care no. cuz the ppl that do, DEF arent ppl that matter, plus i prolly hate them too.
||Are you one of those snobby cheerleaders who think there the shit||=0...ima a cheerleader..and there are snobby ppl everywhere, being a cheerleader has nothing to do w/ i!

||When was the last time you talked on the phone|| a second ago

||Do you hate anyone|| yes
||What are you doing right now|| this and watchin law&order
||Do your parents hate you or love you|| Love me
||Are you glad this survey is over|| sure

great weekend. i love ellen matt and will SO much=) oh yea got deffered from towson. dont really care. its not a place i really wanted to go. my mom is makin me send my trancript tho. School Tomarrow..

worst feelin in the world..."i love you, and i always will, i guess i just dont care as much as i used to...i still wanna be w/ you. but thats y things are different" hes beginning to stop caring for me. why cant once in my life some one love me,and love me forever? am i not good enough. god i try so hard, i would do anything for him, but he doesnt feel the same way. its like he loves me. but not the kinda like unconditional flat out, i need you, well be together always love. and thats what i want. and thats what i think i deserve. i guess not. i guess god has decided that i will never fuckin be happy. or be loved.

bye

with more grace then you."

"i guess im my own better half, i guess im on my own"

well tonite i had so much fun w/ my boysss. Chris hart might just be the funniest person i know!, ahh thats me exploding! ghaha. gotta love him+Ramirez&Matty=). there so much fun. we just sat around wills gpas all nite. we were supposed to go to this party, BUT the person chris knew didnt pick up his phone..oh well=) let me tell u tho i saw WAY to many titties tonite.  and chris hart gave me a titty lesson! THANX GOD ELLEN came to SAVE ME!<3& we played 10fingers HA we made matt lose.. yes go us. HOPFULLY this weekend  will be fun. were goin 2 get ellen early in the morn, b4 all the cruical snow. and were planning on gettin snowed in together. sweet a whole weekend w/ my grl! sunday if there is not 20568490045 feet of snow..MALL trip!=) holler..AE, we have been apart from each other to long. its time to reunite! lol

well the nite was goin really good.and it went downhill. story of my life..i seriously hate it..notin ever goes right, and no one will ever love me=(

right now me and will are really werid, i dont know wat going on. tomarrow were gonna have a BIG talk about our relationship...

"These Are Your Good Years"..pft bs!

"Irony is when we smile at those we despise, and engage in bitter arguments with those we love dearly"(stolen from Con..exactly how i feel now)

even tho i hate this song, cuz simple plan, sounds so happy when they sing..its basically me right now.

you dont know what its like, to be hurt. to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

i honestly hate my life...i mean dont ANY THING, TO ANYONE.... every part of my body hurts..and i feel so depressed i hate this.

DONE w/ exams. rocked the ap psych, did ok on english, and BOMBED AP stat. oh well i dont care.. i hate mr. cohan he is a douche times 3!

so its offical SECOND SEMESTER sEnioR....4 more month of hs. let the slacking begin=) cuz im sending my 1st semester transcript to Elon. and well no colleges will see my shit, all i have to do is maintain a 2.0 and that is managable! boosstttt

well this was really pointless. No School For Me Till Tuesday..fuck yea=)

let the partying @ wills gpas and the sleepovers w/ my Ellen begin

holler

Court

kim stevenson, matt wellen, jacqui shelton, nikki slatkins, becca genua, lauren miller& and now ellen morestien..amazing people who can look past my mistakes and flaws & love me. u guys are the best.<3 im so lucky to have u!!! i guess im movin on now. kelly&mandy will never accept my apolgizies. they have lost there love for our friendship. like i went to church..again sunday. niether said hi. and i considered goin 2 myf. but y put myself thru the hurt? so im just gonna go 2 11 oclock services w/ my mom & KIM. cuz i need god. but as a good friend said.."u need god, no way around that, but courtney u dont need ppl that actions turn u away from god"..Very True. So im guess im "over" it no more crying @ nite, about lsot friendships and no more thinki of ways to ralk. if they ever want to be back in my life, im more then willing to accept them. cuz i can forgive. but its all up to them....                                                    *Ellen, i had soo much fun w/ u yesterday. omg were so much alike its a lil creepy! haha, im so glad i got to know u, were gonna be great friends*